FEEDBACK! FEEDBACK! FEEDBACK! One of the EASIEST ways to learn about yourself and grow, and yet one of the MOST difficult things to handle. No one, including myself, enjoys being told something negative about his/her self. Negativity, however, is a key element for personal growth, and provides us with insights that we may not have noticed.
The article speaks about three different types of feedback: appreciation, coaching, and evaluation. The article also mentions three different types of triggers to feedback: truth, relationship, and identity. Our main focus when it comes to feedback is to stay as open-minded as we can, and take ourselves “out” from the feedback. Taking yourself “out” (or self-distancing yourself) from what is in front of you, helps you recognize insecurities and soft spots in your personality.
Imagine if you were watching a movie, and in that movie is you (receiver of feedback) and the other person (giver of feedback). By doing this we are able to “watch” the receiver and the giver without any bias, without any triggers. This is no different than when you watch an actual movie. You have an internal monologue within yourself about what may happen next, what the main character should do, the story line, and so on. If you act like a stranger towards yourself (weird, I know) then you will have the most unbiased opinion about yourself and the feedback that is provided.
You want to watch you as if you did not know you. A bit wordy, but in its essence crucially important, otherwise you will fall down the rabbit hole of triggers. Triggers are natural and we all have them, hence why we become so emotional to certain things. Triggers are a perfect way for your body to tell you about “red flags” or insecurities you may have within yourself.
Example: You are at work reviewing your evaluation with your superior. While reviewing your evaluation, you notice that you became upset when your superior said, “I am surprised you did not improve as much as we thought you would. Not to worry, let us focus on what we can improve on for the next evaluation.” One reason you may become triggered at this statement is because it gives off the impression that your superior was not impressed with you AT ALL and may be disappointed with your work performance.
The trigger in this scenario could be a truth trigger or an identity trigger (it could also be a relationship trigger depending on the comfort of the relationship). You could argue that it is a truth trigger because the superior may not know what he/she is talking about. You question the credibility and knowledge of your superior. It could also be an identity trigger in that you feel personally attacked, as if you were not good enough. Whichever the trigger, you must always maintain perspective and remain calm.
Lastly, if you find yourself having trouble with feedback, ask yourself “why?” Why is it that I do not like this or that feedback? Why do I act so [your emotions] when this happens? Even if you proactively search and ask for feedback, this mitigates the amount of “damage” that you receive and prepares you for the worst. You are more prepared for feedback when you ask for it first as opposed to when it is being brought to your attention like a surprise gut punch.
Feedback is one of the most helpful “tools” in humanity, and triggers are one of the least helpful. In order to have a clear head when receiving feedback, it is best to be prepared, be open-minded, and remain calm. If you find it difficult to listen to feedback, remind yourself that “sticks and stones may break my bones, but WORDS can never hurt me.” At the end of the day, feedback is just abstract words floating around to greet our ears–and they cannot hurt us even if they tried.
Open-Minded,
E.
#feedback #triggers #staycalm #personalgrowth #growth #careerdevelopment #psychology #philosophy #mentalhealth
thEEsmilE 